Two weeks into my first job where you are not my co-worker

I have officially had a new job for 2 weeks. Its so very weird to drive to a new office, I almost got off the highway at our old exit today. I talk everyday to at least one customer about you. So many still don't know you are gone, so its is always an awful conversation.

Yesterday really got under my skin. I cried on the way home, I cried all evening, I couldn't get to sleep. I called my Dad at midnight, and he was awake. We talked for a long time about death and you. About how when my brother died he relived the day it happened over and over, and for a long time he had a hard time doing anything. He told me he always loved you, that he was so shocked that you had done this and that you must have really been hurting. You guys have been divorced for decades and this is painful even for him.

He is the best and I could never do this with out him.

I am missing you and can't believe you are really gone.

Love,

Your Daughter

A new year

Here it is a new year, I survived it and I have started a new job even! All without you here.

I feel like life is trucking along and like nothing is different.

I was sick the last few days, the kind where I would have normally reached out to you because I felt so bad, but I can't.

Yoga classes started tonight, but I am not there. Support group is meeting tonight but I am not there. I am cooking dinner, thinking about paying my past due daycare payments, and utility bill, thinking that I need to go work on a poster for my dad.

I feel like there is not enough time to do anything, let alone stop and give any notice to tears streaming down my face tonight.

Love,

Your Daughter