This evening Joey talked to me on the way to her Christmas dance recital dress rehearsal, and said that she didn't understand why you were the one that died. She thought it would a great grandma first because they were so much older than you and that it wasn't fair.
She said that she didn't feel like she can be sad because I am the one who lost my Mom and I'm so upset. It was heartbreaking, because she doesn't know why you died. I told her that you got sick and your heart broke, which everyone tells me ok, and that it really is kind of the truth.
It feels like a lie, because it is. She 9 and Charlie is 4 so they would not understand fully. But Joey is smart, she knows something is wrong. I want so badly to tell her, I hate the lie. I want her to know, and feel this with me, and understand why I am so sad. She will not understand why you chose to leave her, the same as I do. I do not have any answers for her.
What do I tell them? When are they old enough to hear it? Why on earth are these even questions that we have to deal with in our lives Mom?!
Love,
Your Daughter
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